Introduction
In any committed relationship, trust and commitment are the foundations that hold it together. When that trust is broken through acts of infidelity, it can destroy the relationship. But is all infidelity the same? According to the IFS findings, men reported higher instances of engaging in sexual intercourse outside of their marriage, with 20% of male respondents admitting to having sex with someone other than their spouse while still married. In comparison, 13% of female participants indicated they had been physically unfaithful in this manner during their marriage.
In this blog, we will explore the topic of emotional cheating vs physical cheating and whether one is truly “worse” than the other.
What is emotional and physical cheating?
To have a meaningful discussion on this topic, we must first clearly define what is meant by “emotional cheating” and “physical cheating.”
Emotional cheating refers to behaviors that indicate an emotional intimacy with someone other than your partner. This can include:
- Developing deep emotional connections and bonding with another person over shared secrets, feelings, and experiences.
- Prioritizing the other person’s needs and desires over your partner’s.
- Spending extended periods of private one-on-one time with the other person.
- Flirting either physically or verbally.
- Expressing love, attraction, care, or strong affection for the other person.
Physical cheating refers to any sexual behaviors or intimate activities with someone other than your partner. This includes:
- Kissing, touching, caressing, or other sexual acts.
- Sexual intercourse.
So, emotional cheating involves developing an intimate emotional bond, while physical cheating consists of engaging in physical/sexual acts. Both undermine the committed relationship.
Why emotional cheating hurts deeply?
While physical intimacy may feel like a more clear-cut form of betrayal, emotional cheating cuts deeply for a few key reasons:
It threatens the core emotional bond:
The emotional intimacy that should only exist between partners is now shared with an outsider. This shakes the foundation of trust and can cause depression.
It’s more premeditated:
Physical lust can be a momentary weakness, but developing deep feelings takes time and intention. The cheating partner had to work to create that intimate bond.
Secrets cut deeply:
Knowing private thoughts and feelings that were shared with others hurts immensely. Such secrets threaten feelings of self-worth and specialness within the relationship.
Lack of control:
Once feelings develop, the relationship has essentially spiraled out of control. Stopping becomes difficult even if the cheating partner wants to. There’s a loss of agency.
Damage to self-esteem:
Whereas some sometimes write off physical cheating as just sex, emotional cheating makes the partner question if they are truly loved or just settled for.
Emotional betrayal threatens intimacy’s most meaningful and vulnerable aspects – how we feel and care about our partner. The scars often run much more profound than sexual indiscretion alone.
Is one worse than the other?
Emotional betrayal cuts to the core of what an intimate relationship is built on. But does this make it intrinsically worse than physical betrayal? There are good arguments on both sides:
Emotional is worse:
- Emotional intimacy threatens the foundation, which is much harder to rebuild. Physical can sometimes be reconciled.
- Partners may feel physically cheating was just lust/thrills, but emotionally makes them question if love/commitment ever existed.
- Once feelings emerge, the relationship becomes impossible to disentangle easily. Physical can be more containable.
Physical is worse:
- Some argue sharing one’s body is the ultimate form of intimacy reserved for a partner alone. Emotional bonds may emerge without intent.
- Physical risks of unplanned pregnancy and STDs pose health dangers beyond just hurt feelings.
- Cultural/social norms still consider sex outside marriage to be a graver transgression than emotional closeness.
For some couples, certain acts cross boundaries in a non-recoverable way, regardless of labels. The answer depends on specific circumstances and each individual’s personal views. Both forms severely undermine trust, which is the core of healthy relationships.
Healing from infidelity
Regardless of which act caused the deepest wounds, the path to healing is similar:
- Time: Wounds this deep require long periods to heal. Rushing reconciliation often ends in further hurt.
- Discuss openly: Honest, even brutal conversations help provide closure. Deleting secrecy aids in regaining trust.
- Accept responsibility: Cheating partners must acknowledge wrongdoing sincerely without excuses to earn forgiveness.
- Rebuild intentionally: Conscious efforts like dates, gifts, and quality time rebuild the bond. Relying on time alone often leads to stored resentments.
- Counseling: Helps both partners process hurts constructively and repair underlying issues that enabled the infidelity.
- Set boundaries: Clear expectations and consequences prevent tempting repeat offenses and rebuild the perception of commitment.
- Part ways if best: While reconciliation is ideal, some betrayals damage the relationship irrevocably. Staying can prolong hurt.
Healing takes immense effort from both. Individual therapy also aids in accepting faults, working through insecurities, and regaining self-esteem independent of the relationship. With professional support and intent to change, even deeply damaged trusts can gradually be rebuilt over time.
FAQs
Is one gender more likely to engage in emotional cheating vs physical cheating?
- Studies have shown that men and women tend to engage in different types of infidelity. In general, men are more likely to participate in physical infidelity, while women are more prone to emotional infidelity. However, either gender is capable of acting under the right circumstances.
How can you rebuild trust after emotional or physical cheating?
- The betrayed partner will need time and honesty and will demonstrate changed behavior from the cheater to rebuild trust. Counseling can help, as can open communication, setting boundaries, focusing on quality time together, and accepting responsibility without making excuses. Understanding the role of mental illness or depression in the context is crucial.
What are some common signs that emotional cheating may be occurring?
- Some signs are excessive secrecy, prioritizing the other person and neglecting your partner, sharing private details, constant texting/calls, hiding the phone, and staying emotionally distant from your partner but engaged with the other person. Mental illness or depression can sometimes contribute to these behaviors.
Can a relationship recover from emotional cheating?
- Yes, it is possible to recover even from emotional cheating, but it takes immense effort from both. Healing wounds this deep requires counseling, honesty, commitment to change, rebuilt trust over long periods, and willingness from both to fix what was broken. Understanding and addressing mental illness or depression is also crucial in the recovery process.
If my partner emotionally cheated but stopped, should I forgive them?
- There is no single answer—it depends on individual circumstances and personal boundaries. Counseling helps objectively decide if remaining is healthy. While stopping is positive, the hurt partner must feel the accountability and changed behavior are sincere before regaining trust. It’s also important to consider how mental illness or depression may have influenced the situation.
Conclusion
All forms of infidelity represent selfish acts that violate the committed bond. While emotional betrayal may threaten the very foundation of love and care at the core of the relationship, both acts are traumatic experiences of distrust.
What truly matters most is how the cheating incident makes each partner feel -whether feelings of worthlessness, jealousy, anger, or desire to end things. Those impacted must decide what they need to recover and feel secure again. Even fractured trusts can heal with care, honesty, and professional help. But reconciliation requires willingness and patience from both.
Overall, this complex issue has arguments on both sides. The impact depends significantly on the circumstance. The path forward involves open communication, accepting responsibility, and commitment to rebuild what was broken without the betrayed partner’s fault. Many relationships can regain their former closeness with effort, though some wounds prove too deep.
