Physical Cheating Vs. Emotional Cheating | Which is Worse? Skip to main content

Cheating is never acceptable in a committed relationship. However, most people debate whether a physical affair or an emotional affair is more damaging to a relationship. While both types of cheating can devastate trust, we will explore the key differences between physical and emotional infidelity and which may be more difficult to overcome.

They can leave deep scars and shake one’s fundamental views about one’s worth and their partner’s character. However, each case is unique, and perspectives vary significantly on which type of betrayal inflicts more long-lasting damage to a relationship and a person’s psyche.

This blog post aims to explore some of the key differences between physical and emotional infidelity in terms of their visible impacts, abilities to erode trust over time, and obstacles to recovery through open dialogue, personal reflection, and counseling when desired. Ultimately, every relationship navigates infidelity in its own way, depending on circumstances, values, and communication between partners.

What is Physical and Emotional Cheating?

You must first know what these terms are and how they differ:

  • Physical cheating involves a sexual act such as intercourse, oral sex, or sexual touching with someone other than your partner.
  • Emotional cheating is an intimate connection with another person that involves things like intense flirting, inside jokes, pet names, prolonged romantic conversations, and emotional intimacy. There is no physical contact.

The Damage of Physical Infidelity

A physical affair often does more visible and immediate damage to a relationship:

Risk of STDs.

Having unprotected sex with someone new introduces the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease that could then be passed to the primary partner. This health danger adds an understandably traumatic element.

Feeling of Personal Betrayal.

For many people, their partner’s body is intimate and reserved just for them. Physical intimacy with another shatters that bond of exclusivity and can invoke feelings of shame and use.

Obvious Proof.

Most emotional affairs are harder to prove since they don’t leave behind material evidence like texts, photos, or foreign items in the home. Walking in on your partner mid-act provides tough-to-deny proof that intensifies the feelings of hurt and anger.

The Pain of Emotional Infidelity

However, an emotional affair may do more long-term harm to a relationship and be harder to recover from:

  • Undermines foundation of trust.

In a committed relationship, emotional intimacy should only be shared between partners. Betraying this emotional bond strikes at the core need for honesty and loyalty that trust in a relationship is built upon.

  • Ongoing deception.

An emotional affair can go on secretly for months or years with only slight hints that something may be off. This long-term deceit poisons the relationship from the inside in a gradual, corrosive fashion that’s tougher to overcome.

  • Fills an unmet need.

If an emotional affair provides something a partner has been lacking, like companionship, validation, or excitement, it can represent an even deeper break from the primary relationship and willingness to invest fully in someone new.

  • Triggers feelings of not being good enough.

Discovering your partner turned to someone else to discuss personal issues, doubts, or desires they didn’t share with you leaves one questioning their own worth and whether their love and commitment were reciprocated at all.

Impact on Self-Esteem

Discovering infidelity can be emotionally devastating and depressing. It takes a severe toll on one’s self-esteem. Partners may internalize the betrayal and feel personally unworthy, undesirable, or to blame in some way for their partner’s unfaithfulness. However, the effects tend to differ between physical and emotional affairs.

  • Physical affairs are often externalized more as a failure of character by the unfaithful partner rather than of the hurt spouse’s own qualities.
  • Emotional affairs cause deeper questioning of oneself as the cheated-on partner may feel “not good enough” to fulfill their partner emotionally or that they lacked qualities their affair partner possessed.
  • Low self-esteem from emotional betrayal can linger due to the constant comparison and uncertainty regarding where they stand in their partner’s heart in the long term.

Healing self-esteem after physical cheating may involve accepting one’s partner erred while still finding personal value, versus the introspection emotional adultery requires to rebuild shattered trust in oneself as well as one’s relationship.

Ultimately, self-worth shouldn’t be tied to another’s actions. But emotional infidelity attacks self-esteem from the inside in a subtle fashion that takes significant counseling and personal recovery work to overcome.

Is Reconciliation Possible?

Both physical and emotional infidelity can potentially be dealt with through open communication and counseling if both parties are willing to put in the difficult work. However, statistics show:

  • Reconciliation rates are slightly higher after physical (68%) versus emotional affairs (57%), likely due to emotional affairs damaging core trust to a greater degree.
  • Relationships that survive physical infidelity report greater long-term happiness, while those recovering from emotional betrayal often struggle with lingering trust issues and insecurity down the road.
  • Healing from emotional affairs requires fully ending all contact and patterns that enable the intimate connection, like overworking or keeping emotions from one’s partner. Physical affairs can sometimes be contained to a single risky act.

FAQs

Is an emotional affair still considered cheating if it never becomes physical?

A: Yes, an emotional affair is a form of infidelity even without physical contact due to the intimate emotional bond and deception involved. Crossing this line undermines the foundation of trust in a committed relationship.

If my partner had a one-night stand while drunk, is that worse than an emotional affair?

A: Each situation is complex, but generally, an ongoing emotional connection poses more long-term damage than a regrettable single physical encounter due to the betrayal of trust and intimacy over an extended period.

Can a relationship survive either type of cheating?

A: With open communication, commitment to change, counseling, and a willingness to rebuild lost trust over time – relationships can potentially heal from both physical and emotional infidelity. However, statistics show that emotional affairs cause more uncertainty in the long term.

How can you prevent an emotional affair from developing?

A: Maintain appropriate boundaries, don’t confide intimate details just with the outside person, be transparent with your partner, and address any underlying relationship issues through communication instead of seeking an emotional “fix” elsewhere.

Is looking at porn or sexting considered cheating?

A: Views can vary in relationships, but most experts agree emotional connection with another person crosses a line, while porn or sexting may depend on the specific understanding and comfort levels between partners. The open discussion provides clarity.

Conclusion

Ultimately, every person and relationship is different, so generalizations don’t always hold true. The most hurtful aspect depends on individual circumstances and viewpoints. However, breaking the emotional bond of intimacy appears to inflict deeper wounds that corrode trust over time in a manner that renders the relationship more precarious going forward.

While physical cheating plainly disrespects relationship boundaries, emotional infidelity may succeed in replacing one’s partner in one’s own heart—potentially the cruelest betrayal of all. Open communication and counseling remain key to even assessing if reconciliation is advisable or realistic after any type of betrayal.

Leave a Reply