Introduction
An emotional affair, though not physical, can hurt just as deeply, if not more, than a physical affair. While there is no actual sex involved, an emotional affair allows an emotional and intimate connection to form with someone other than your partner. This betrayal of trust tears at the very foundation of a relationship and makes the hurt feel unending.
For individuals experiencing depression, emotional affairs can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and worthlessness, intensifying the emotional turmoil within the relationship.
Let’s explore some key reasons why emotional affairs can hurt so deeply.
Emotional intimacy was shared with someone else
The emotional intimacy and connection between partners are at the core of any relationship. This intimacy involves sharing feelings, thoughts, hopes, and fears and finding comfort in each other’s company alone. In an emotional affair, this level of intimacy that is meant to be exclusive to the relationship gets shared with a third person instead.
- The partner in the emotional affair gets to experience an emotional and psychological connection that belonged only in the committed relationship.
- Private feelings, thoughts, and details about the relationship or partner that were previously only shared within the relationship are disclosed to the third person.
- Acts like long private phone calls, emails, texts, etc., allow an intimate bond to form that replaces the primary one with the current partner.
- This cultivation of an exclusive emotional bond with someone else feels like a betrayal of the commitment and vows within the relationship.
A replacement is formed in the relationship
The third person in an emotional affair often ends up replacing the primary partner’s role in the relationship. This replacement drives the hurt even deeper.
- The partner engages with the third person to fulfill needs like emotional support, intimacy, understanding, friendship, etc., that were otherwise fulfilled by the current partner.
- Quality time and attention shift away from the current partner towards the third person through activities like prolonged conversations, visits, online chats, etc.
- The current partner feels replaced as the most important person and feels like they are no longer “enough” for their partner’s emotional needs and company.
- This replacement of roles leaves the current partner feeling discarded and inadequate, as if the relationship means very little.
Trust and commitment are shattered
Trust is the foundation on which any committed relationship is built. An emotional affair completely shatters this trust.
- Despite no physical acts, an emotional affair shows that commitments and boundaries within the relationship mean very little.
- It reveals that the partner was capable of hiding a close friendship and bond from their significant other for a prolonged time.
- It raises doubts about whether the intimacy and bond shown with the third person will remain strictly non-physical.
- Future suspicions and insecurities are instilled if such a bond is possible once and can happen again.
- Building trust back in the relationship becomes an uphill task after its violations through lies and secrecy.
Invasion of mental privacy
A sense of mental privacy and having a safe space to share innermost private feelings is important in any relationship. An emotional affair violates this.
- Details shared with the third person invade the mental privacy and spaces meant for just the committed partners.
- Knowing someone else was made privy to personal vulnerabilities, insecurities, and private thoughts cuts deeply.
- It leaves the partner feeling like their entire private inner life was displayed without consent to a virtual stranger.
- Their mental privacy and safe spaces now feel permanently invaded and compromised.
- This can lead to many emotional breakdowns, primarily for women as they cry out their feelings in front of their spouse or boyfriend tp over come the depression.
Lack of validation and closure
While a physical affair has boundaries that end it, emotional affairs continue bonding two people on an intimate level. This prolonged ambiguity magnifies the hurt.
- Unlike a one-time physical act, determining when an emotional affair genuinely ended is difficult without concrete actions like cutting contact.
- Lingering doubts remain if the emotional connection and bond still continue beneath the surface.
- Closure on the relationship damaged due to the affair is missing without definite steps like counseling or ending external friendships.
- The partner wants validation that they still matter most to their significant other but receive none in the ambiguous end.
- This prolongs the mental movies, overthinking and struggling to escape the betrayal.
FAQs
What exactly is an emotional affair?
An emotional affair refers to a close friendship or bond formed outside of the committed relationship where an inappropriate level of emotional and psychological intimacy is shared. This could include private details, prolonged conversations, emotional reliance, and ambiguity around boundaries. While not physical, such a bond violates the trust and commitment within the primary relationship.
How is an emotional affair different from a close friendship?
A close friendship falls outside the bounds of an emotional affair if appropriate boundaries are maintained. For individuals dealing with mental illness, such as depression, the boundaries between friendship and emotional affairs can blur, as the emotional connection outside the primary relationship may provide solace or escape.
How can you tell if a friendship crossed emotional affair lines?
Some signs are lies or secrecy around the friendship, sharing intimate personal details not disclosed to the partner, prioritizing time with the friend over family/partner, dependence on them for emotional needs met by the partner otherwise, and ambiguity around maintaining long-term boundaries with the friend.
Is it possible to rebuild trust after an emotional affair?
While extremely difficult, some relationships do manage to rebuild trust after an emotional affair with a commitment to healing from both partners. This involves cutting contact with the third person, openly discussing feelings without defensiveness, helping with depression, rebuilding intimacy within the partnership, individual/couples counseling, validating the partner through actions over time, and regaining their mental privacy.
What steps can help prevent an emotional affair?
Maintaining open communication within the relationship, carving quality time for the partnership, prioritizing intimacy needs being met at home, establishing clear boundaries in external friendships right from the start, speaking to the partner about any ambiguities before they intensify, not disclosing too personal details needlessly and trusting each other completely are some preventive steps.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, emotional affairs inflict deep wounds due to the invasion of emotional and mental intimacy spaces, tearing of trust, formation of replacements, and the ambiguity regarding closure that is lacking. While non-physical, they violate relationship commitments on levels that feel irrevocably damaging. With compassion and commitment to healing, relationships can potentially rebuild from this, but the scars of such betrayal frequently linger.
